Surviving Grief

Media Misrepresentation of Grief

The Insider

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences that anyone can endure. The grief that follows such a loss can be overwhelming and all-consuming, affecting every aspect of one's life. Whether the loss is sudden or expected, the emotions that accompany it can be difficult to process and can feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb.

Grief is a natural and necessary process that we all experience at some point in our lives. It is a complex and multi-dimensional emotional response to loss that can involve a range of physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms. The intensity and duration of grief can vary greatly from person to person, depending on their individual circumstances and coping mechanisms.

The experience of grief can be especially challenging in a society that often undervalues or stigmatizes expressions of sadness or vulnerability. People may feel pressure to "get over it" quickly, to be strong for others, or to hide their emotions altogether. These societal expectations can make it difficult for those who are grieving to seek support or express their feelings, which can further compound their pain and isolation.

In this article, we will explore the complex nature of grief and its impact on individuals and communities. We will discuss the stages of grief, the physical and emotional symptoms associated with grief, and some common coping strategies. We will also examine the importance of seeking support during the grieving process, and the potential long-term effects of unresolved grief. Through this discussion, we hope to provide insight, support, and understanding for those who are struggling with the pain of loss.

The experience of grief is universal yet it can be a complex and challenging topic for the media to represent accurately. Media representation of grief has the power to shape our understanding of this emotional process, and can impact how we respond to those who are grieving.

Historically, media representations of grief have often focused on the stages of grief as defined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, more recent research has shown that grief is a highly individualized experience, and not everyone will necessarily go through these stages in a linear fashion or experience them all.

Cultivation theory is a social theory that argues that long-term exposure to media content can shape an individual's perception of reality. According to this theory, individuals who consume large amounts of media content over time may begin to see the world in ways that are consistent with the messages portrayed in that media.

When it comes to media misrepresentation of grief, cultivation theory may be relevant in that individuals who consume media content that portrays inaccurate or harmful representations of grief may begin to internalize these messages as a reflection of reality.

If a person is exposed to media content that portrays grief as a linear process that is resolved over time, they may begin to believe that this is the only correct way to grieve, and may feel shame or guilt if their own grieving process does not align with this portrayal.

Similarly, if a person is exposed to media content that perpetuates harmful stereotypes about gender and grief, such as the idea that men should be stoic and emotionless, they may begin to believe that these stereotypes are accurate and feel pressure to conform to them.

One common media trope when it comes to grief is the strong silent type who keeps their emotions bottled up. While it's true that some people may choose to grieve privately, this stereotype can be harmful because it suggests that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. This can lead to a culture of suppressing emotions and not seeking support, which can ultimately worsen the grieving process.

Another problematic media portrayal of grief is the idea that time heals all wounds. While time can help to alleviate some of the intense pain of grief, it's important to recognize that grief is a lifelong process that may never fully go away. This can be especially harmful for those who are struggling with complicated grief, which is characterized by persistent and intense symptoms that don't improve over time.

Media representation of grief can also perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. For example, men are often portrayed as stoic and emotionless when it comes to grief, while women are seen as overly emotional and hysterical. These stereotypes can prevent individuals from seeking support and can ultimately harm their mental health.

In order to improve media representation of grief, it's important for media outlets to consult with experts in grief and mental health. This can help to ensure that representations are accurate and responsible, and that harmful stereotypes are avoided.

It is also important for the media to recognize the diversity of grief experiences, and to avoid making sweeping generalizations about the grieving process.

While cultivation theory can help to explain how exposure to media content can shape individual's perceptions of reality, it's important to note that it is not the only factor at play when it comes to media misrepresentation of grief. Other factors, such as the tendency to rely on established tropes and the pressure to produce attention-grabbing content, may also contribute to inaccurate and harmful media representations of grief.

In conclusion, media representation of grief has the power to shape our understanding of this emotional process, and can impact how we respond to those who are grieving. While there are many problematic media representations of grief, there are also opportunities for media to break down stigma and encourage individuals to seek support.

By working with experts in grief and mental health, media outlets can ensure that their representations of grief are accurate, responsible, and helpful.

THE INSIDER TALKS TO YOU.

Interviewing people about their experiences with grief can be a powerful way to gain insight into the complexity and diversity of the grieving process. By speaking with those who have experienced loss firsthand, we can learn about the unique challenges they faced, the coping strategies they used, and the ways in which their grief has impacted their lives.

Below are a couple of people we talked to, and this is what they had to say on the matter.

Albert Owino, 24

“I was raised in a household that drilled into the minds of boys, mine included, never to let my emotions show and that included crying. I remember when I lost my grandfather to an auto-immune disease, I had to go to the back of the house to grieve in the way that I wanted to, and that included bawling my eyes out. He was a very dear person to me, taught me all I know. My biggest regret is cowering when it comes to showing emotion.”

Joan Muite, 23

“There are days when I can’t get myself up from bed. All these intense feelings come crashing down on me and I find it hard to exist. I found it very helpful to recognize those feelings on those specific days and make sure I take time for myself, listen to my mind and take it slow. I hope everyone reaches that epiphany one day. It gets better from there on.”

Anthony Kitela, 43

“I had a dear friend of mine who got shot and died on the spot during the curfew lockdown in 2021. To honor his memory and speak on police brutality and unjust killings, I protest his and many others' cold murder. That is what helps me.”

Surviving Grief

Story by Rachel Cowsill

Losing someone is one of the worst pains imaginable and can leave you struggling with thoughts such as, how on earth am I going to survive this?
In January 2023, my family lost its figurehead, the person we all looked up to, my Grandad, Vincent Seal. He was such a key part of our lives. His passing left me thinking - how am I supposed to go through my daily life when the loss I feel is so heavy and prevalent in my mind?

In 2019, my Grandad was diagnosed with dementia. His illness made us grieve the person he used to be, but he was always still there. Grandad had always been there for us. We thought he would go on forever, or at least make his 100th birthday and earn a card from the King! When he passed, I thought, how on earth am I supposed to get through my final semester at university and graduate with this constant feeling of loss weighing heavily in my mind?

Grief is hard to understand because it can manifest in so many different ways; from someone not wanting to go to a certain place, to not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. But while people may experience it in many different ways, there is one constant: everyone will experience it at some point. The key is learning how to survive it.

When describing grief people often talk about sadness, depression, shock, denial, disbelief and numbness. But there is no singular definition for this feeling.
While grieving is usually thought of as something we experience after the death of a close family member or friend, in their book, ‘What’s your Grief’, authors, Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams define it in much broader terms, recognising “you can grieve the loss of anyone or anything significant to you.” For example, even if a break-up is recognised as the best decision for us, we can still miss the person we were once close to and feel lonely. There can also be great sadness in losing something that means the world to us and represents something significant.

Haley and Williams emphasise that no two people grieve in exactly the same way and that grief is not a predictable process with a set timeline and an endpoint.
When somebody passes away, people outside the immediate circle of grief may expect a person close to the deceased to start feeling better as soon as the funeral has passed. However, often that isn’t the case. The loss of a family member or friend, who had a significant impact on our life, will stay with us forever. There is no specific endpoint for grief and no one should judge themselves too harshly if after six months, a year, five years even, they still feel sad.

Grief may be more noticeable in some people who are constantly watching old videos of the person who has passed; looking at old photographs, or sleeping with a piece of their clothing that still smells like that person. Other people may appear to be coping on the outside, but inside they could be feeling very distracted or incomplete. We can’t tell simply by looking at someone because the grieving process looks different in everyone. We don’t get over a deep loss, we survive it.

So, how do people survive grief? Some people are spurred on by thinking about the person who has passed and what that person would want for them. I know what my Grandad wanted for me and for my family and my determination to make him proud and graduate from my course is the driving force that allowed me to survive. Other people might find it helpful to read articles and books or watch videos about grief to better understand the rollercoaster of emotions that can manifest. While others may need more support, such as grief counselling or group therapy. No two people are the same and people survive grief in various different ways.

Survival after someone, like my Grandad, passes away, may seem impossible for loved ones left behind, but the human soul is a lot stronger than one might think. Whether it takes a short amount of time or a much longer time, it’s important to remember that you are not alone. To grieve is to be human. You, like me, will get through this.

RIP Vincent Seal, you were an incredible man. I will try to live my life in the way that would make you proud.

Surviving Loss 

By Nataly Narano

What is Loss to you?

Ever lost something precious or valuable in your life?

In October 2020, I lost my best friend, a mentor, my dearest Father. His death pierced my heart like a poisoned arrow would have.

He was a brilliant man and a great father. He had achieved so much and was on the way to achieving so much more. But in the blink of an eye in late 2020 he was diagnosed with Myeloma ( a form of blood cancer)  and three weeks later he became another victim of this vicious virus Corona that led to his demise. The thought of my father being six feet under and no longer breathing and looking around at the devastation in my family was extremely educational of the cruelty of death and surviving loss.

Today I reflect on the things we lose in life. Your phone. Your laptop. Your music collection. Your photos. Sometimes it could just be a favorite lipgloss or lipstick that you left on an uber ride home. Or a valuable friend from whom you drift apart without realizing it until they vanish from your life. 

Loss punctuates life. When I was about 8 years old, my mother bought me my first purse. It made me feel grown and big. Though the contents inside my bag (toothpicks, tissue and vaseline) did not make sense to my mother, the purse had a lot of sentimental value to me. It was what we Kenyans like to refer to as ‘Sunday best’, it was the number one staple item in my closet at the time.

It so came a time that we were traveling with my dad to my rural area in Kakamega during the night. When our stage came for us to alight in the middle of trying to offload our bags I forgot my beloved purse. With hopes that maybe I would get it back I requested my father to call the bus company for them to bring it back. Long story short, nothing of the sort happened and I mourned that loss for a very long time.

Loss is an inevitable part of life, and it can take many forms. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a job loss, or a health diagnosis, all types of loss can be difficult to cope with. The emotional pain can be overwhelming, and it can be hard to know how to move forward. 

Personally, having lost dear people to me at a young age, has sort of cushioned me when dealing and surviving loss, because there can never be a bigger loss, that does not make losing any less painful. If anything it can intensify it with the usual, ‘why me always’. Like when this motorbike guy splashed dirty water on my white Nike Air Force 1’s. A few minutes after I had just left the house. The drip had not even served its purpose yet!

Finding meaning in the loss can help one survive, cope and find a sense of purpose. Grief is a process that takes time, and there's no set timeline for how long it takes to heal. Be patient with yourself and don't expect to feel better overnight. It's normal to have ups and downs, and to feel like you're taking two steps forward and one step back. Remember that healing takes time, and that it's okay to take things one day at a time.

Loss is a part of life, and it can be difficult to cope with. By acknowledging your emotions, taking care of yourself, seeking support, finding meaning, and being patient, you can begin to heal and move forward. Remember that everyone copes with loss differently, and there's no "right" way to do it. Be kind to yourself, and don't hesitate to seek help when you need it. With time and support, you can survive all kinds of loss and emerge stronger on the other side.